On April 11th 2015 I went to see the movie It Follows. It was a sunny day, a bit warmer than I like, but was looking forward to a, hopefully, entertaining film. Brother was I wrong. The "critics" on Rotten Tomatoes gave this movie a rating of 95% on the meter. I didn't go see it because of that. What I was curious about was what "it" was. "It" was never revealed as to what one could even possible speculate "it" was. An evil spirit, a pissed off ghost, or even a demon but there was absolutely no back story. Somehow I think the creators of this story wanted that particular bit of information far far away from the playing field to wreak havoc with your imagination in unproductive ways. Except for a red dodgeball hitting a window in one scene that got a very minor start from me, the rest was like the described effects of Thorazine. I was looking for Sam and Dean from Supernatural to come driving up and add something interesting to the story.
In short the movie was not unnerving, chilling, suspenseful, or was the slightest bit frightening. Bit of a let down for a horror movie. Critics Consensus: Smart, original, and above all terrifying, It Follows is the rare modern horror film that works on multiple levels -- and leaves a lingering sting. The only "sting" I felt was the 7 dollars I spent. I don't have any faith in movie critics. Not that I ever have but I was a bit hopeful that It Follows would at least be interesting. Survey says? XXX
The one thing that the movie was conveying clearly, like nearly every horror movie ever made, was Don't Have Sex Or You Will Die!!! But (spoiler alert) what do they do anyway? You got it, Cowgirl position. YeeHaw!!!
This movie made me want to see Lou Diamond Phillips' The First Power.
The very last movie I saw that actually unnerved me to the point of disturbing nightmares was the 2011 version of The Thing. I had bad dreams just from the trailers alone. The notion of something like a creature that with the barest minimum of it's own insidiously wriggly cells be able to invade, use a person like raw material, and painfully replicate itself through a digestive process makes my skin crawl with a cold sweat. But that was 4 years ago. Luckily I didn't need any therapy afterwards.
Horror movies are just comedies to me now. I was predicting each scene when I watched The Grudge. Everyone else was so frightened and scared like textbook examples. I was the only one giggling. Hell the ending to Paranormal Activity 4 was funny, despite the demonic-attack-the-camera-Sean Penn-style, because with that many possessed females I wondered why they weren't having an evil Book Club meeting or Tupperware Party. It Follows was the last "Horror" I'm sure I'll ever see, unless I want to see a good comedy.
Reading: Harry Harrison: The Stainless Steel Rat
Drinking: Diet Soda